Thursday, March 21, 2013

Mother May I?

I often contemplate the things I want to do in life. Occasionally, it's a decision about my next lunch spot. However, I mostly wonder what I want to do with the future that I hold in my hands. When I say that I hold my future in my hands, I mean it figuratively. I have the power to decide the fate of my own life, despite the traditional expectation that society has of me.

I may decide to be a writer, I would love to teach, I'm definitely capable of standing up for others' rights. But do I really have the ability to do what I want to do? My mother tells me so.

My mother also tells me: marry a man with blue eyes so that I can have children with blue eyes; to never marry a man with financial burden; I will be disowned should I ever get married without her consent and outside the Catholic Church; but she also tells me one more important thing, "Let Go and Let God". Now, I may only agree with half of these statements, but the power of individual choice keeps me entertained in my conversations with my her.

In my teenage years I hardly had a relationship with my mother. It was important to rebel against her, prove her wrong, keep her out of my business. Suddenly, as a future college graduate, I feel an intense need to be closer to her. As I spend my day trips with her (only at my convenience, I never seem to have the time) I suddenly realize the most important aspect of my mother's love for me. Prior to college, it never dawned on me what a beautiful woman she is. Seeing my mother care for myself and my siblings gives me the respect for her that I never thought I'd find. If anything, I constantly find myself wanting her acceptance and hoping that I have made her proud.

How would I make her proud? My first step is to hold back tears when I'm feeling weak. As told by mom: "you cry too much, a woman should be strong and never  let a man see a woman cry". However crude this may sound, it in no way leaves room for a weak mind. In addition, I can become an independent, "no bullshit" woman. Should I ever decide to be married, I'll always have my own kind of financial support. This means being able to make my own money, buy my own things, and never ask for a single penny. In my mind, I'm already halfway there.

I may not agree with every piece of advise she gives, but I know that I can only try my best to make her happy. Although I cannot promise that I won't have three future ex-husbands (the Vatican is shaking) I can promise to myself that as soon as I'm rich and empowered, I'll buy her that classy T-bird she's had her eye on.

So when I ask the question "Mother May I", I'll ask the question on different terms. Mother, may I become the woman you'd hope I would become? I sure hope so.

1 comment:

Please feel free to comment on these posts whether you agree or disagree with them. I may remind you however, that this blog is intended to inspire...negative energy is not a part of my intention, nor will it be tolerated.