Thursday, March 21, 2013

Women in power.

Lately it has been brought to my attention that there are women in power who abuse it. After having numerous conversations with friends, colleagues, college peers, and professors, it dawned on me that this stigma has become a reality for successful women.

In an authoritative position, a woman tends to be seen as more domineering than men. With respect to this theory, there exists a stereotype of what could be affecting many women in the world. The typical woman manager or supervisor with aggressive goals comes across to their lower-level counterparts as "demanding", "dictating", "tyrannical", "pushy". The list goes on and on... When compared to men, us women have developed our own kind of prejudice in the work place. So the real question here is: "are women choosing to be these types of bosses or are we simply just being placed in that stereotype?".

It's applicable to dwell on some recent experiences I've had with bosses. For the few, I've had to say that most of them have come across this way. Especially with regards to women being these bosses. I have yet to experience a woman supervisor who hasn't been overly aggressive.

In terms of my future goals, I'd like to believe that I'd hope to never possess any of these qualities as a woman in power; yet it doesn't help me break down the barrier that exists for women in successful positions. I hope to one day become an inspirational leader rather than a dominant, power-hungry one. So, how do I and other women such as myself work to break down these barriers?

Perhaps the only way to keep others from seeing us as controlling is to come across as empathetic. Empathy is a strong word. Yet it implies more than the eye can see. With empathy comes trust, dedication, motivation, and inspiration. I believe that the key to breaking these barriers is not only to utilize our own empathy (naturistic of women) but also to embrace it. Contrary to belief (especially in the world of politics), the essence of compromise, empathy, and nurturing is the only way that women can truly unite to change the world.

My advice: be who you are. To be a true leader and inspiration to others, you must deeply embrace your ability to ensure peace and stability. This can only be achieved through the willingness to listen closely, speak with integrity, and open your eyes to new ideas.

Mother May I?

I often contemplate the things I want to do in life. Occasionally, it's a decision about my next lunch spot. However, I mostly wonder what I want to do with the future that I hold in my hands. When I say that I hold my future in my hands, I mean it figuratively. I have the power to decide the fate of my own life, despite the traditional expectation that society has of me.

I may decide to be a writer, I would love to teach, I'm definitely capable of standing up for others' rights. But do I really have the ability to do what I want to do? My mother tells me so.

My mother also tells me: marry a man with blue eyes so that I can have children with blue eyes; to never marry a man with financial burden; I will be disowned should I ever get married without her consent and outside the Catholic Church; but she also tells me one more important thing, "Let Go and Let God". Now, I may only agree with half of these statements, but the power of individual choice keeps me entertained in my conversations with my her.

In my teenage years I hardly had a relationship with my mother. It was important to rebel against her, prove her wrong, keep her out of my business. Suddenly, as a future college graduate, I feel an intense need to be closer to her. As I spend my day trips with her (only at my convenience, I never seem to have the time) I suddenly realize the most important aspect of my mother's love for me. Prior to college, it never dawned on me what a beautiful woman she is. Seeing my mother care for myself and my siblings gives me the respect for her that I never thought I'd find. If anything, I constantly find myself wanting her acceptance and hoping that I have made her proud.

How would I make her proud? My first step is to hold back tears when I'm feeling weak. As told by mom: "you cry too much, a woman should be strong and never  let a man see a woman cry". However crude this may sound, it in no way leaves room for a weak mind. In addition, I can become an independent, "no bullshit" woman. Should I ever decide to be married, I'll always have my own kind of financial support. This means being able to make my own money, buy my own things, and never ask for a single penny. In my mind, I'm already halfway there.

I may not agree with every piece of advise she gives, but I know that I can only try my best to make her happy. Although I cannot promise that I won't have three future ex-husbands (the Vatican is shaking) I can promise to myself that as soon as I'm rich and empowered, I'll buy her that classy T-bird she's had her eye on.

So when I ask the question "Mother May I", I'll ask the question on different terms. Mother, may I become the woman you'd hope I would become? I sure hope so.